Showing posts with label divine favoritism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divine favoritism. Show all posts

Holy Diana! and other religious parody

frches... writes:

Ed:
Holy Diana! I've apparently missed a lot, even though I've been involved in researching the mythos-logos, religious-secular scene for some years and have missed the Diana-channeling story.

Frank


ED: "Holy Diana" is right!

CHANNELED DIANA LINKS AND BOOKS

THE MAKING OF A GODDESS -- THE PRINCESS DIANA

WEIRD RELIGION at www.surfingtheapocalypse

A KINDER GENTLER SATAN--The Vatican announced the need for a "more subtle and sophisticated" understanding of the nature of evil that will be better suited to the world of the 21st century. Evil should be thought of as a threatening force that dwells within every individual, the Church now advises, rather than simply an external malevolence, personified as Satan, which tempts people into sin. This new distinction comes as part of the Catholic Church's reevaluation of its official rites of exorcism, which are being substantially revised for the first time since Pope Paul V decreed them in 1614.

ACCEPT CHRIST BEFORE JANUARY 1, 2001 AND RECEIVE A FREE PCS DIGITAL PHONE!--From the Landover Baptist Church Website: "No Roaming Charges, No Hidden Costs! Praise The Lord! You have nothing to lose, except your soul. You have everything to gain; eternal life, a chance to become a member of the most powerful church in the United States, and a free wireless telephone, courtesy of AT & T! What are you waiting for? Read through our beliefs section, and sign a waiver form that shows you have accepted our Lord as your personal savior, promise to abide by all of our church rules, and pledge a 3-year tithing contract. Mail these forms along with a $225.00 membership application fee." ( I can't make this stuff up! ED.)

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS HOMEPAGE--(Featuring the SIN-Cam!)

THE GREAT GOD CONTEST--an attempt to "to bring a final resolution to all religious wars, controversy and hypocrisy."

CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA--"The Church of Euthanasia was inspired by a dream, in which Rev. Chris Korda confronted an alien intelligence known as The Being who speaks for the inhabitants of Earth in other dimensions. The Being warned that our planet's ecosystem is failing, and that our leaders deny this. The Being asked why our leaders lie to us, and why so many of us believe these lies. Rev. Korda awoke from the dream moaning the Church's infamous slogan, SAVE THE PLANET--KILL YOURSELF!."

CONTACT: The Phoenix Educator --"Ye Shall Know The Truth And The Truth Shall Make You Mad!" CONTACT is a vehicle for Commander Gyeorgos Ceres Hatonn's most recent writings on matters "critical" to a responsible and informed public at this time of planetary transition and final days of battle between the Forces of Light and the "Evil Empire" forces of darkness. Commander Hatonn states:"We of the lighted brotherhood of the Cosmic and Galactic participants are ready to make our presence upon your place. We travel and act in the direct service and under Command of Esu Jesus Immanuel Sananda. Sananda is aboard my Command Craft from whence He will direct all evacuation and transition activities as regards the period you ones call the End Prophecies of Armageddon."

ASK SISTER ROSSETTA --Nuns, Clergy,and regular sinners like YOU ask Questions of the Lavender Nun. Sister Rossetta answers such poignant questions for readers as: "Does the Lord want us to have orgasms?AND "Bananas and Donuts:Sweet Dreams or Satanic Nightmares?"

CHURCH OF PRINCESS DIANA --The "church" run by Chairman Yao who claims that Diana appeared after her "death" exclusively to him to communicate her urgent message to humanity: "You are spiritually immortal, and it is your evolutionary destiny to manifest this immortality physically. And...it will happen in your lifetime.. ." Chairman Yao asserts: "Fat is the only abomination, but I've got the cure," declares Chairman Yao, who is eternally slim. "Old age and death shall be no more!" proclaims the youthful prophet to aging baby boomers. "Why has Diana picked me to teach you how to stay young, slim, and healthy? Because I'm young, slim, and healthy." According to his book DianaSpeaksT: The Uncensored Messages of Princess Diana, in the new millenium, everyone will be young, slim, and beautiful.

SUPERCHURCH--Millions and Millions Saved!"Commandments" of this group include: "Aim for variety in your snack foods" and "If you tell someone you will call them, call them"

McCHURCH--McChurch is a REAL religion, complete with iconographic images suitable for worship, a martyred saint, snappy advertising slogans, and easy to understand spiritual truths that make McWorship as easy as picking up a burger and fries on the way home from work!... easier, in fact! Followers of every creed, denomination and temperament are welcome to drive through and bask in the light of the new (and improved) McHoly of Holies.

TECHNOSOPHY--"Technosophy" is a word coined by Terry Alden (the maintainer of this site) to label certain concepts related to a kind of spiritual appreciation for technology. Among these and probably of primary importance is the inescapable observation that the physical vehicles of all life-forms (and human bodies, in particular) are extremely complex inter-functioning collections of technological systems. If you have a strong attachment to your body, you qualify as a lover of technology, which is an interpretive meaning of technosophy. Just because we are assembled from carbon-based organic compounds (and are largely unaware, in most cases, of how we are put together in a detailed technical sense) does not diminish the fact that high technology is involved in every aspect of our being and functioning. The term technology should not apply exclusively to externalized man-made gadgets and programming (i.e., the hardware and software that we normally think of when the term technology is used).

THE OFFICIAL GOSPEL OF ELVIS WEB PAGE--This is the genuine Gospel of Elvis edited by renown Elvisian scholar Solomon B. T. Church.
THE FIRST PRESLEYTERIAN CHURCH of Elvis The Divine--He has a hunka-hunka burnin' love for whosoever believeth in him.

ELVISIANS FROM ANOTHER PLANET--On the night Elvis was born, Vernon Presley saw a blue light over Tupelo. Could this blue light have emanated from an alien craft or K-Mart? We're not sure. We do know that Elvis was an extraordinary human being and highly spirtual. He studied many religions and theories about life outside of this earthly one. We are earthly "Elvisians" who believe that Elvis Presley fans can be found in outer reaches of the solar system and hope to someday communicate with these extraterrestrials through the music and art of Elvis.

THE 24 HOUR CHURCH OF ELVIS

THE CULT CONSTUCTION SET--"Build Your Own Religious Cult Within Minutes!"

THE JESUS DANCE --Dance the Millenium Away

THE NEW BEING PROJECT--The Institute for the Intensification of Non-Linear Intelligence (IINLIT) was established in 1988 as a (501)(c)(3) non-profit corporation. The New Being Project is a division of IINLIT that explores the strong likelihood that our species may be headed into a rapid evolutionary jump, one of comparable impact to the momentous and sudden leap from anaerobic to aerobic bacteria, or from asexual to sexual reproduction. We may even be at a juncture where we can invent such a leap. NBP's present task is to identify and study people who may be "edgelings"; those who might give us hints as to how to amplify or modify the direction the leap takes. We may all become co-architects in evolution: A radical venture indeed!

EVIL PEOPLE INC --EvilPeople,INC.(tm) is a corporation dedicated to the following ideals and dreams, as handed down by our founder, HeWhoTwistsInDarknessAndDevoursThePure. EvilPeople,INC.(tm) strives daily to adhere to his oft-used phrase, "God is the best there is in the genocide business. I want to be better." EvilPeople,INC.(tm) has worked on projects that have met with great success in the past, such as these: The Fall of Adam and Eve from Eden/The Spanish Inquisition/The Nixon Administration/Darth Vader/ Bill Gates and Microsoft/The Clinton Administration/Highlander II and III

JESUS 2000 CONTEST -- Attempt to help the Church pick a new look for Jesus for the new millennium. See how you can help out!

THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE! -- Jumping on the Christian "We Must Protect Our Children" bandwagon, Fade to Black Online Magazine contacted numerous religious organizations in attempting to save the children from the violent imagery many Christians seemed to have overlooked: The Crucifixion.

CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS -- Now at last! The step-by-step process is revealed! This explosive new futureligion BEYOND science may raise your intelligence, transform your life, improve your health and luck, and end financial woes!! THIS IS IT - the weirdest supercult of them all!!! THE ONLY "FAITH" THAT PROMISES ACTION - THRILLS - SUCCESS IN SEX AND BUSINESS! THE PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA --or, How I Found the Goddess and What I Did To Her When I Found Her THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER Wherein Is Explained Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything

THE BIBLICAL ACTION FIGURES COLLECTION --Here you can purchase such Biblical greats As Adam, Eve, Moses, Jesus and Mary and many more. Poseable figures with background play scenery!

Seventh Day Adventist: Closet Catholic?

I can't imagine why an adventist believer sent me the following email trying to convince me about the evils of Catholicism.

Frankly, I don't believe the Bible and their interpretations of it any more than they don't believe the Pope.

In fact, if you want to believe the Bible...

GOD HAD TO TAKE A BREATHER

The Bible states:

In six days the Lord made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested, and was refreshed.
- Exodus 31:17

According to learned editors of a Bible published in 1774, the true meaning of the Hebrew is, "on the seventh day He rested, and fetched his breath." So, God is depicted as panting after over-exerting Himself?

Isn't it a bit of an insult to depict an infinite Being getting worn out from six day's work?

Or to depict a God who works for only six days then spends the next 6,000 years on holiday? (Then again, for all anyone really knows, God may have spent the first five days of creation just futzing around, then pulled an all-nighter.)
- E.T.B.

--------------

NASAL ADDICTIONS OF THE GODS
The ancients routinely gathered together the finest of their flock and the finest of their crops, and set them aflame so that the smoke would rise to heaven and appease a particular god or gain their blessed attention. According to The Epic of Gilgamesh (an ancient Babylonian tale that featured the story of a worldwide flood), the gods had been denied their sacrifices during the time the world was flooded, so they all gathered round eagerly to get a whiff of the first animals sacrificed after the flood. A similar scene appears at the end of the flood tale in the Hebrew Bible. Noah holds a huge barbecue after leaving the ark, sacrificing "two of every clean animal" to the Lord. The Bible author added, ".and the Lord smelled the soothing aroma." (Gen. 8:21 -- a similar phrase is found elsewhere in the Bible as well, see Ex. 29:18; Lev. 1:17, 3:5; Num. 15:13,24; 29:28). "Smelled the soothing aroma?" What a pretty piece of anthropomorphism to attribute to God. As if the creator of the universe needed to be "soothed" by the "aroma" of barbecued bison.

Question: Why did Noah have to murder those animals? Didn't the Lord get his fill of "smelling the soothing aromas" of countless critters He sacrificed to Himself via the Flood? If you reply, "It's because charbroiled critters, not drowned ones, have the 'smell' whose 'aroma' is 'soothing,'" then I've got another question. What about Jesus' death? He wasn't charbroiled. (Please don't tell me after Jesus died he got a little singed in hell just so God could once again "smell the soothing aroma.")

Those Bible verses about God "smelling the soothing aroma" do make ya wonder though, whether God still lusts after the scent of burnt animals. Today, if He did, He'd probably have to settle for a barstool at a steak house with Zeus, Odin, Marduk and Baal by His side, chatting about the good old days, all sneaking a whiff of that old "soothing" stuff.

Course, maybe God's addiction just kept getting worse, from flaming farm animals to His own son, and now He's probably addicted to "smelling the soothing aroma" of whole planets filled with living creatures exploding into cosmic fireballs. Wait, isn't that mentioned in. the Book of Revelation? Quick, somebody call the Pope to arrange an intervention, we gotta get God into rehab! And tell Outback to double my order.
- E.T.B.

adventist_believers@yahoo.com writes:
SUNDAY IS THE DAY OF THE BEAST, SABBATH 7TH IS GOD´S TRUE DAY. EX. 20.
http://www.biblerevelations.org/sundaylaw
http://www.lasprofecias.com
http://www.sdagospel.com
http://www.lightministries.com/id800.htm#4
http://www.geocities.com/adventistfriends/emailEnglish1.htm

ADVENTIST SENVENTH DAY DOCTRINE

GOD SAID: "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shalllabor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter,

nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle,nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it."
(Exodous 20:8-11)

SABBATH =GOD`S HOLY DAY (SATURDAY 7TH DAY) SUNDAY= DAY OF THE SUN (1ST DAY) JESUS IS COMMING SOON , PREPARE

THE DEAD WILL RESURRECT, THEY ARE NOT IN HEAVEN OR HELL
John 5 28
Do not marvel at this; for the hour is coming in which all who are in the graves will hear His voice 29and come forth--those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation.

JESUS IS THE WAY NOT MARY OR THE POPE
John 14:6
Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

JESUS IS THE CHIEF CORNERSTONE NOT PETER
1 Corinthians 3:11
For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

THE PAPACY IS THE ANTICHRIST .
VICARIOUS FILII DEI = V(5)I(1)C(100)ARI(1)OV(5)S FI(1)L(50)I(1)I(1) D(500)EI(1) 5+1+100+1+5+1+50+1+1+500+1=666

ALL THE CATHOLIC SYSTEM IS A COPY OF BABYLON`S RELIGION ITS THE MOTHER OF THE HARLOTS. SHE KILLED MILLIONS CHRISTHIANS
Revelation 17:4
The woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet, and adorned with gold and precious stones and pearls, having in her hand a golden cup full of abominations and the filthiness of her fornication.

CATHOLIC CHURCH IS THE ANTICHRIST THAT CHANGED THE LAW OF GOD .
Daniel 7:25
He shall speak pompous words against the Most High, Shall persecute the saints of the Most High, And shall intend to change times and law. Then the saints shall be
given into his hand For a time and times and half a time.

DON`T CALL FATHER TO THE POPE OR PRIESTS
Matthew 23:9
Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.

THE TRUE PEOPLE OF GOD KEEPS THE 10 COMMANDMENTS AND THE FAITH OF JESUS
Revelation 14:12
Here is the patience of the saints; here are those[1] who keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus.