Holy Diana! and other religious parody

frches... writes:

Holy Diana! I've apparently missed a lot, even though I've been involved in researching the mythos-logos, religious-secular scene for some years and have missed the Diana-channeling story.


ED: "Holy Diana" is right!



WEIRD RELIGION at www.surfingtheapocalypse

A KINDER GENTLER SATAN--The Vatican announced the need for a "more subtle and sophisticated" understanding of the nature of evil that will be better suited to the world of the 21st century. Evil should be thought of as a threatening force that dwells within every individual, the Church now advises, rather than simply an external malevolence, personified as Satan, which tempts people into sin. This new distinction comes as part of the Catholic Church's reevaluation of its official rites of exorcism, which are being substantially revised for the first time since Pope Paul V decreed them in 1614.

ACCEPT CHRIST BEFORE JANUARY 1, 2001 AND RECEIVE A FREE PCS DIGITAL PHONE!--From the Landover Baptist Church Website: "No Roaming Charges, No Hidden Costs! Praise The Lord! You have nothing to lose, except your soul. You have everything to gain; eternal life, a chance to become a member of the most powerful church in the United States, and a free wireless telephone, courtesy of AT & T! What are you waiting for? Read through our beliefs section, and sign a waiver form that shows you have accepted our Lord as your personal savior, promise to abide by all of our church rules, and pledge a 3-year tithing contract. Mail these forms along with a $225.00 membership application fee." ( I can't make this stuff up! ED.)


THE GREAT GOD CONTEST--an attempt to "to bring a final resolution to all religious wars, controversy and hypocrisy."

CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA--"The Church of Euthanasia was inspired by a dream, in which Rev. Chris Korda confronted an alien intelligence known as The Being who speaks for the inhabitants of Earth in other dimensions. The Being warned that our planet's ecosystem is failing, and that our leaders deny this. The Being asked why our leaders lie to us, and why so many of us believe these lies. Rev. Korda awoke from the dream moaning the Church's infamous slogan, SAVE THE PLANET--KILL YOURSELF!."

CONTACT: The Phoenix Educator --"Ye Shall Know The Truth And The Truth Shall Make You Mad!" CONTACT is a vehicle for Commander Gyeorgos Ceres Hatonn's most recent writings on matters "critical" to a responsible and informed public at this time of planetary transition and final days of battle between the Forces of Light and the "Evil Empire" forces of darkness. Commander Hatonn states:"We of the lighted brotherhood of the Cosmic and Galactic participants are ready to make our presence upon your place. We travel and act in the direct service and under Command of Esu Jesus Immanuel Sananda. Sananda is aboard my Command Craft from whence He will direct all evacuation and transition activities as regards the period you ones call the End Prophecies of Armageddon."

ASK SISTER ROSSETTA --Nuns, Clergy,and regular sinners like YOU ask Questions of the Lavender Nun. Sister Rossetta answers such poignant questions for readers as: "Does the Lord want us to have orgasms?AND "Bananas and Donuts:Sweet Dreams or Satanic Nightmares?"

CHURCH OF PRINCESS DIANA --The "church" run by Chairman Yao who claims that Diana appeared after her "death" exclusively to him to communicate her urgent message to humanity: "You are spiritually immortal, and it is your evolutionary destiny to manifest this immortality physically. And...it will happen in your lifetime.. ." Chairman Yao asserts: "Fat is the only abomination, but I've got the cure," declares Chairman Yao, who is eternally slim. "Old age and death shall be no more!" proclaims the youthful prophet to aging baby boomers. "Why has Diana picked me to teach you how to stay young, slim, and healthy? Because I'm young, slim, and healthy." According to his book DianaSpeaksT: The Uncensored Messages of Princess Diana, in the new millenium, everyone will be young, slim, and beautiful.

SUPERCHURCH--Millions and Millions Saved!"Commandments" of this group include: "Aim for variety in your snack foods" and "If you tell someone you will call them, call them"

McCHURCH--McChurch is a REAL religion, complete with iconographic images suitable for worship, a martyred saint, snappy advertising slogans, and easy to understand spiritual truths that make McWorship as easy as picking up a burger and fries on the way home from work!... easier, in fact! Followers of every creed, denomination and temperament are welcome to drive through and bask in the light of the new (and improved) McHoly of Holies.

TECHNOSOPHY--"Technosophy" is a word coined by Terry Alden (the maintainer of this site) to label certain concepts related to a kind of spiritual appreciation for technology. Among these and probably of primary importance is the inescapable observation that the physical vehicles of all life-forms (and human bodies, in particular) are extremely complex inter-functioning collections of technological systems. If you have a strong attachment to your body, you qualify as a lover of technology, which is an interpretive meaning of technosophy. Just because we are assembled from carbon-based organic compounds (and are largely unaware, in most cases, of how we are put together in a detailed technical sense) does not diminish the fact that high technology is involved in every aspect of our being and functioning. The term technology should not apply exclusively to externalized man-made gadgets and programming (i.e., the hardware and software that we normally think of when the term technology is used).

THE OFFICIAL GOSPEL OF ELVIS WEB PAGE--This is the genuine Gospel of Elvis edited by renown Elvisian scholar Solomon B. T. Church.
THE FIRST PRESLEYTERIAN CHURCH of Elvis The Divine--He has a hunka-hunka burnin' love for whosoever believeth in him.

ELVISIANS FROM ANOTHER PLANET--On the night Elvis was born, Vernon Presley saw a blue light over Tupelo. Could this blue light have emanated from an alien craft or K-Mart? We're not sure. We do know that Elvis was an extraordinary human being and highly spirtual. He studied many religions and theories about life outside of this earthly one. We are earthly "Elvisians" who believe that Elvis Presley fans can be found in outer reaches of the solar system and hope to someday communicate with these extraterrestrials through the music and art of Elvis.


THE CULT CONSTUCTION SET--"Build Your Own Religious Cult Within Minutes!"

THE JESUS DANCE --Dance the Millenium Away

THE NEW BEING PROJECT--The Institute for the Intensification of Non-Linear Intelligence (IINLIT) was established in 1988 as a (501)(c)(3) non-profit corporation. The New Being Project is a division of IINLIT that explores the strong likelihood that our species may be headed into a rapid evolutionary jump, one of comparable impact to the momentous and sudden leap from anaerobic to aerobic bacteria, or from asexual to sexual reproduction. We may even be at a juncture where we can invent such a leap. NBP's present task is to identify and study people who may be "edgelings"; those who might give us hints as to how to amplify or modify the direction the leap takes. We may all become co-architects in evolution: A radical venture indeed!

EVIL PEOPLE INC --EvilPeople,INC.(tm) is a corporation dedicated to the following ideals and dreams, as handed down by our founder, HeWhoTwistsInDarknessAndDevoursThePure. EvilPeople,INC.(tm) strives daily to adhere to his oft-used phrase, "God is the best there is in the genocide business. I want to be better." EvilPeople,INC.(tm) has worked on projects that have met with great success in the past, such as these: The Fall of Adam and Eve from Eden/The Spanish Inquisition/The Nixon Administration/Darth Vader/ Bill Gates and Microsoft/The Clinton Administration/Highlander II and III

JESUS 2000 CONTEST -- Attempt to help the Church pick a new look for Jesus for the new millennium. See how you can help out!

THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE! -- Jumping on the Christian "We Must Protect Our Children" bandwagon, Fade to Black Online Magazine contacted numerous religious organizations in attempting to save the children from the violent imagery many Christians seemed to have overlooked: The Crucifixion.

CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS -- Now at last! The step-by-step process is revealed! This explosive new futureligion BEYOND science may raise your intelligence, transform your life, improve your health and luck, and end financial woes!! THIS IS IT - the weirdest supercult of them all!!! THE ONLY "FAITH" THAT PROMISES ACTION - THRILLS - SUCCESS IN SEX AND BUSINESS! THE PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA --or, How I Found the Goddess and What I Did To Her When I Found Her THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER Wherein Is Explained Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything

THE BIBLICAL ACTION FIGURES COLLECTION --Here you can purchase such Biblical greats As Adam, Eve, Moses, Jesus and Mary and many more. Poseable figures with background play scenery!

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