Orthodox Christian theology teaches that Jesus had to die before God could forgive sins and send people to heaven. If that's true, then why isn't there a "Saint Judas?"
- Skip Church
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back, he's gonna wanna see a cross? Maybe that's why he hasn't shown up yet. "Shit! They're still wearing crosses. When they start wearing fishes I'll go back, this is ridiculous. They've entirely missed the meaning of this thing."
It's like going up to one of the Kennedy clan with a rifle pendant on. "Just thinking of president John F. Kennedy, your uncle. We love him."
- Bill Hicks, Rant in E-minor, CD
We Christians neither want nor worship crosses as the pagans do.
- Minucius Felix (Christian author, circa 200 A.D.)
It was only in the third century (after 400 A.D.) that Christian communities increasingly used "covert" crosses, which have survived in the murals of the catacombs and on tombstones. They might be an anchor with a crosspiece, a ship with a mast and yard, a human figure with outstretched arms, or a juxtaposition of the initials of the name Jesus or Christ (in Greek or Latin) to produce a cross-like shape. It was in the fourth century that the cross became an openly Christian symbol. By that time crucifixion as a method of state execution had been abolished and the cross ceased to have its former cruel and negative associations. Several hundred years later it was deemed a terrific symbol to use to ward off vampires, demons, etc.
- Skip Church
If Christ was executed today I bet Christians would wear little electric chairs around their necks.
- Dick Gregory
After the missionary explained the Bible's superior civilized plan of salvation to several natives, one of them stood and aid, "Like you, we love our gods and seek to love one another. What we do not understand is why your god tried to pin down sin by using His son as a voodoo doll."
- Skip Church
Christianity is merely paganism with a more successful advertising campaign.
- Skip Church
Whenever I forgive someone it's relatively easy. But for God, it takes a bloody miracle.
- Skip Church
CONVERSATION, A.D. 33
A: Have you heard the latest?
B: No, what's happened?
A: The world has been redeemed!
B: You don't say!
A: Yes, the Dear Lord took on human form and had himself executed in Jerusalem; and with that the world has been redeemed and the devil hoodwinked.
B: Gosh, that's simply lovely.
- Arthur Shopenhauer
CHIPMUNK CRUCIFIXION
No chipmunk had to be crucified
on a tiny cross of twigs
To save all the other chippies,
Had to have nails pounded
through his little paws,
Had to take upon himself
all the sins of all the chippies
that ever were or would be
and die in agony
So that after they died
all the chippies
could live again forever,
But only if they believed
in all the sayings and doings
of the chipmunk crucified
on the tiny cross of twigs.
- Antler, Last Words
Christianity has a built-in defense system; anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It is a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it, and believe me I was raised Southern Baptist, is to take heroic doses of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me."
- Bill Hicks
Isn't it ironic that Christians keep repeating, "Civilization will fail without Christianity" on computers built by Buddhists in Japan?
- Source unknown
Christians are generally creepy people as a direct result of the dysfunctional dynamic of worshipping a dead naked hippie.
- Die Warzau, Engine Tour Shirt, 1995
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