"Get your hands off our God, God haters!" by John, the Aging Hippy

Now that Judge Moore has finally had to comply with both secular and his own religion's law and they've hauled away the graven image monument to the Ten Commandments from the rotunda of the Alabama Judicial Building, here's a few suggestions about further uses for the useless three ton block:

Flip it over and use it as an altar upon which to perform sacrificial blood offerings to Satan.

Hollow it out and fill it with ice to create the world's holiest beer cooler.

Slowly lower it on top of that idiot preacher who suffocated 8-year old, autistic Milwaukee boy Terrance Cotrell to death last week by sitting on his chest during an impromptu "exorcism." The same horrific fate should befall any other member of that ridiculous Christian coven who was stupid enough to take part.

Cornerstone for a brand-spanking-new abortion clinic.

Put it in an overgrown field with an outhouse, a rusted out Cadilac, an abandoned refrigerator and call it the "Redneck Stonehenge".

Paperweight for God's legal briefs in the upcoming post-Armageddon sentencing trials.

Use it as ballast on the converted cruise ship where Preznit Dubya will have to live in exile, because - after his removal from office and the subsequent investigations, trial, and horrific revelations of criminal conspiracy on a barely-imaginable scale - no other country on earth will be willing to take him.

Auction it off on e-bay and use the proceeds to help pay for upgrades to Alabama's crumbling and antiquated infrastructure.

Convert it into two tons worth of marble floor tiles for a gay homosexual bathhouse.

Use it as a tombstone for Fred Phelps once he finally kicks the bucket.

Take a sand-blaster and scour away the commandments, then replace them with the First Amendment, which reads in part:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

That has a hell of a lot more to do with the law of the land than whether or not you get along with your folks, work an extra shift on a Sunday, or say "Godamn!" when you stub your toe.


A fool in his heart says there is no god. A wise man shouts it from the rooftops
- johnanderson

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